A Conversation with myself in three parts:

Do you love me? 

Probably not.  

 Do you love me? 

What’s with you and this question? Lay off. 

Do you love me? 

No. 

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Glass

I’ve always wanted to be beautiful, pretty prose but I’m no novel, I’m no epic, I exist in dark shadows. 
I’m not the book you take to be signed or found on a best seller list. I know won’t ever be studied or quoted for my eloquence.

You won’t see my text transcribed for a movie or TV, ’cause really, let’s be honest, no one’s interested in me. 

I’m a thesaurus. 

I’m more of an appliance, a means to an end. I’m used and used up but never read. I’m not a book of adventure, nor can I teach you how to sew. All I’m really good for is telling what I know.  

They’ll never “ooh” and “aah” at me or snatch me off the shelf. And they’ll probably just use Google when they actually need the help. 

I like think of myself as a  window that’s looked through but not seen.  It’s never me they’re looking for but everything in-between. 

In the rarest moments,  I catch beauty in myself. It’s fleeting and flirting. It promises so much beyond life on this shelf. 

When the moment is gone and I’ve remembered who I am. My lost hope and delusion press painfully against my diaphragm. 

I’m not sure if I have value and unsure if I truly care. Some days are worse than others with the drowing and despair. 

This unceasing hurt, deep wounds refusing to heal, I question and wonder how much more I can take, how much less I could feel. 

The Plain Book

Jeremiah 15:18

Hide and Go Seek

I feel that I am still running.  Some part,  some fading memory lingers still in my subconscious. Just when I think it’s safe to come out-

My mind has forgotten but the scars in my heart remember. Can we ever forget love or will it just haunt the cracks it leaves behind?  Chasing me down-

I’m determined to hide. 

 I remind myself that I like to sleep alone,  that I hate sharing a bathroom and  don’t want any  more obligation. I occupy myself with men I don’t love, who can’t hurt me.  A safe hiding place-

It’s the safest place I know.  I neither rejoice nor lament. 

I feel nothing. 

No one will find me here.